lost my patience because of a mattress…

Some things are unexplainable.

I needed to escape so I went to the other house for the weekend. I spent the whole Saturday morning writing in my journal. Yes, I still keep a journal even after I’ve had several ‘privacy invasions in my own house’. My family…they’re always…curious. I don’t know why they need to be curious. I think I’m a normal child. I don’t go clubbing. I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs. I don’t smoke. I’m still thinking about having a sugar daddy (joking) so I don’t know why I can’t even keep things to myself anymore.

Anyway, yes, I spent the whole Saturday writing in my journal. I think most of you already know that writing is like a therapy for me. I know that some things are meant to be kept private or whatsoever, but I don’t think that my life is THAT interesting. Technically, my life is filled with emo moments – especially when the time of the month is near. Someone needs to find a cure for PMS. I don’t think people realize how violent women can be when they have PMS.

Today was quite hard for me and Amad. It took us ½ hour to get out of the ‘candle area’ because he refused to leave without buying me some. I told him I’d get them when I have the money but no…this is what happens when you have two Aquarians together – double stubbornness. Actually I wanted to avoid the lower level (where the candles were) because I knew I wouldn’t be able to buy them so daripada sakit hati tengok tapi tak dapat beli…better balik. But no…he refused to turn back and wanted to go through the lower level (we were at IKEA btw). And he wasn’t feeling so well and I didn’t want him to get worn out so I eventually allowed him to buy me the candles. Ok fine.

Then came the Body Shop part. He remembered that I wanted a lotion from there but he couldn’t remember which one. I tried to pull him out of the shop many times but since I didn’t want to create another drama, (you don’t want to know how I sound and look like when I nag…damn ugly and embarrassing I tell ya) I just stood there next to him while he tried to figure out which lotion I wanted to buy. I refused to help him because (1) it was expensive (2) I didn’t want to waste his money (3) we didn’t go out to buy candles or lotions for me. We were supposed to find his mattress…something for him to sleep on because he had only just moved into a new house but did he listen?! No. Degil. Kenapa demam? Pasal tidur atas lantai.

So, at the end of the day, no mattress was bought. I got angry…so very angry. I didn’t talk to him on the way back. Merajuk la kononnya. Then I started yelling at him…that was the time when I had lost my patience. And because of what? Because of the damn mattress. I started saying things like “why won’t you let me care about you” and some other nonsense. Somehow it became a big issue and I got all emotional…because of the damn mattress. Why couldn’t he understand something as simple as this: I wanted him to buy himself a nice mattress so he’d have something nice to sleep on so that he wouldn’t fall sick again. Instead of wasting his money on unimportant things, oh God, why couldn’t he just get it?!!!

Okay…I think someone’s got some anger issues here. I really need to chill out. There’s something very wrong with me. Pasal tilam pun nak mengamuk…wth.



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