Archive for the 'Meaningful' Category

the link

I moved. Again. Why?

Because it’s how my life has been ever since…forever. Feel free to follow or if you just can’t be bothered anymore, it’s okay 🙂

My new blog:


you were wrong.


Brother, I’ve always loved you.

Sometimes, you gotta ‘allow’ people to love you.

And I’ll always be your sister…whether you like it or not.

And you were wrong.

And our dad has taught us siblings one of the most valuable lessons;

We’re a family and we stick together.

That’s why I always keep bugging you. Because I want you to know that you’ll always have me – someone to talk to. Someone to disagree with. Someone to outsmart.

You can say whatever and your sister will still love you.

…did you really?


there you go…

My internet connection will be unavailable in a few hours. I will not be able to use my own connection starting from 10.00AM to 7pm. Apparently, it’s like this everyday. I don’t know why this is happening and it does pisses me off and I don’t know why I can only use it during those hours but yeah…I’ve grown tired of complaining or trying to fix it so….whatever.

The other day, a friend of Amad added me on facebook. I was reluctant to approve the adding request at first but then I was like nahhh…what the heck and eventually approved. But then I found out that his girlfriend is somehow connected to Amad’s psycho ex-girlfriend so I was like…hell no…and decided to kick him off my friends list.

Yes, this is what I do for living – I stay away from people who have the potential to bring misery into my (or other people’s) life. In my life (so far), I think I’ve seen enough or gone through enough to know, whether or not, the person is worth being friends with. This might make me sound arrogant or whatever, but seriously…I no longer deal with so-called friends who are narrow-minded, selfish and ignorant. Experiences turned me into someone who no longer cares about being alone. I don’t care if you come in different shapes, sizes, colours, races, religions etc. I just care about your sincerity, how you treat yourself and people around you and whether or not you’ll be there when things get rough. If you’re a psycho…typical melayu yang dengki and busuk hati…well…pegi berdiri tengah-tengah jalan raya and tunggu sampai itu lori besar or bas besar langgar you, okay? There you go =)

is he…?

I’ve just finished watching ‘Accidental Husband’…such a sweet movie awww (dah mula dah…) hehe. I love the ending…I was smiling to myself all the way. I prefer watching love stories on my own actually so no one can look at me and say “Gosh Aiza…are you crying?” LOL you haven’t seen me watching hindi movies. No, you need to see me watching hindi movies with Shahrukh Khan in them. You might notice my eyes go all sparkling with stars and all LOL. Now he’s the kind of man who can sweep you off your feet. Not handsome but extremely charming….when you look at him, all you want is…

Okay that’s enough! LOL…moving on!

Have you ever asked yourself how you really feel about that someone? Have you ever asked yourself if you really want that person? Or have you had some doubts in your heart about that person but you guys are still together just because you guys have gone through a lot together and bla bla bla and so on? Are you sure that he/she really wants you? The simplest question is…do you even know what you want?

For women, there are two types of ‘yes, I want to be with you’. The first one is ‘Yes, I want to be with you because I’m madly in love with you’ OR ‘Yes, I want to be with you because you have everything that I need to get through this life’.

Do you have the ability to stay madly in love with that particular person for the rest of your life? No wait, it’s not ability but we should know that the feeling comes naturally. You just ‘know’ that he’s the one you really want…the one who makes you happy…the one you have ‘sparks’ with…the one who makes you smile and feels genuinely happy.

Up to this day, I’m still fascinated by people who can be in long relationships. There’s nothing wrong with it, really. They just fascinate me, that’s all. Well I’ve always had bad luck in long term relationships so I guess it’s not for me. The longest I had was 4-5 years? And towards the end (sorry dear ex-boyfriend), I was starting to have some doubts because too many things had happened. I lost track of my own feelings because other feelings kept pulling me away from him. I was angry…upset…hurt…etc etc. I couldn’t remember the last time he really looked at me and told me what I meant to him etc etc so yeah…everything started to fade away…slowly. And I couldn’t help myself imagining…thinking about how things would be like if we ended up marrying each other and so on. I always pictured myself smiling while looking at our kids playing…but that’s like…as a whole. But when I really zoomed in…and really looked at myself (you see how high-tech my imagination is? I can zoom in)…I was ‘happy’ but not really genuinely happy.

This is the thing that most people don’t understand. Yes, it’s wrong to hurt someone. And yes, I’ve heard of Justin Timberlake’s What Goes Around Comes Around but have you heard of James Morrison’s “You can’t play on broken strings…you can’t feel anything…that your heart don’t wanna feel…” ?

But people…sometimes you just gotta do…what you gotta do.

So make sure that you won’t lose those ‘sparks’. Trust me…the ‘sparks’ is the best thing in this world…when you’re in love I mean. Of course durian is also the best thing in the world…

a little happy ;-)

Today I went to visit my uncle n aunt to discuss about our business. They have four bunnies! Photos with the other two are kinda blurry so i couldn’t be bothered to post them in here. I can’t wait to have my own house with a small back garden so i can have my own bunnies…and cats too of course…and some koi fishes…and…urm…other animals too 😉




i deserve it?

Gift Box 4022307 I deserve it

“My girlfriend lives 6 hours away from me on the train…the last time I saw her was yesterday and already its killing both of us not being able to see each other again soon. I’m so in love with her it’s unbelievable, I’m 15, she’s 14 and already we’ve talked about a future together, it’s just…wow. To think we spent all of sunday afternoon and sunday night and monday morning together and then I had to leave her, I can talk to her over the internet, on the phone, anything. But, I just can’t see her right now, I just want to be there with her, for her to be in my arms again once again. I want to go see her tomorrow but i’m only going to end up spending a few hours with her and I would but i don’t want to leave her again. My parents didn’t even know I went to see her, they thought I was at my friends. I love her so much and just want to see her again soon, but I can’t. And to think it’s only been maybe 36 hours ish since I last saw her…this is going to be one hard relationship.” – taken from another website.

My question is…when was the last time you felt that you were madly in love with someone? Because sometimes…you don’t realize what you’ve got until it’s gone.

It is not about how old you are or if you’re matured enough to know what love means. Even married couples forget what love really means so it doesn’t really matter who, where, how or when.

The previous man I loved…he used to say “whatever I’m doing…everything is for you”. He would say the same thing everytime I told him that things had changed – he wasn’t the same…his interest had ‘shifted’ to something else…everything had turned ‘too ordinary’…etc etc etc. And I remember telling him once (or everytime I tried to make him realize): “You know…while you’re busy chasing other things…trying to build this and that for the future…do you realize that we’re drifting apart? I don’t care if you can’t give me the world…I don’t care if you can’t give me an ‘easy’ life. I just want you to stop and look at me…”

I was standing there…but that person was looking through me…not at me. So tell me, what’s the whole point of being there?

But that’s in our past. I just wanted to give out an example…not trying to bring him down or anything. I did realize (well somehow I got a big slap from reality) that he ‘was not supposed’ to see me. If I was meant to be seen by him, maybe he could’ve noticed me…seen me…but he couldn’t…so I learnt to accept it. Sometimes it’s best to step back and look at things from the outside. I saw myself standing…waving…jumping…screaming…but somehow something was blocking his view…something was in between.

I stopped reading his blog…only because I cried everytime I read something from there. His words had nothing to do with me (they never had anyway), so I stopped hurting myself and started focusing on my new life. I don’t think any of his words were ever meant to hurt my feelings. But this is what happens when a person holds too much grudges – I still can’t forgive him for hurting me so bad that one particular time. Things are okay…they’ve been okay since the last time we decided to be friends. I’m just pouring out my feelings here…nothing new.

About love? I stood in the rain for a guy once…in front of his house…hoping he would come out and talk to me. I baked a birthday cake twice for a guy…on the same day because the first one wasn’t perfect (apparently the second one wasn’t perfect either). I always looked for the perfect gift – whatever he wished of buying/getting…that wish list of his became mine because I wanted to make his dreams come true. I wrote about the guy…even in songs…and I sang…but things never pulled through…and they never sounded good enough. I’ve always known what love means. When people thought that I was being stupid and ridiculously vain – I still believed in it. Well at least I’ve always tried to feel instead of carrying it around as a badge.

And at the end of the day…you will question yourself: is this the right person?…the person who’s supposed to receive my dedication, sacrifices, time, and love?

I finally asked myself the same question…and that’s why I moved on.

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