Archive for the 'So much anger!!! hehe' Category

lost my patience because of a mattress…

Some things are unexplainable.

I needed to escape so I went to the other house for the weekend. I spent the whole Saturday morning writing in my journal. Yes, I still keep a journal even after I’ve had several ‘privacy invasions in my own house’. My family…they’re always…curious. I don’t know why they need to be curious. I think I’m a normal child. I don’t go clubbing. I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs. I don’t smoke. I’m still thinking about having a sugar daddy (joking) so I don’t know why I can’t even keep things to myself anymore.

Anyway, yes, I spent the whole Saturday writing in my journal. I think most of you already know that writing is like a therapy for me. I know that some things are meant to be kept private or whatsoever, but I don’t think that my life is THAT interesting. Technically, my life is filled with emo moments – especially when the time of the month is near. Someone needs to find a cure for PMS. I don’t think people realize how violent women can be when they have PMS.

Today was quite hard for me and Amad. It took us ½ hour to get out of the ‘candle area’ because he refused to leave without buying me some. I told him I’d get them when I have the money but no…this is what happens when you have two Aquarians together – double stubbornness. Actually I wanted to avoid the lower level (where the candles were) because I knew I wouldn’t be able to buy them so daripada sakit hati tengok tapi tak dapat beli…better balik. But no…he refused to turn back and wanted to go through the lower level (we were at IKEA btw). And he wasn’t feeling so well and I didn’t want him to get worn out so I eventually allowed him to buy me the candles. Ok fine.

Then came the Body Shop part. He remembered that I wanted a lotion from there but he couldn’t remember which one. I tried to pull him out of the shop many times but since I didn’t want to create another drama, (you don’t want to know how I sound and look like when I nag…damn ugly and embarrassing I tell ya) I just stood there next to him while he tried to figure out which lotion I wanted to buy. I refused to help him because (1) it was expensive (2) I didn’t want to waste his money (3) we didn’t go out to buy candles or lotions for me. We were supposed to find his mattress…something for him to sleep on because he had only just moved into a new house but did he listen?! No. Degil. Kenapa demam? Pasal tidur atas lantai.

So, at the end of the day, no mattress was bought. I got angry…so very angry. I didn’t talk to him on the way back. Merajuk la kononnya. Then I started yelling at him…that was the time when I had lost my patience. And because of what? Because of the damn mattress. I started saying things like “why won’t you let me care about you” and some other nonsense. Somehow it became a big issue and I got all emotional…because of the damn mattress. Why couldn’t he understand something as simple as this: I wanted him to buy himself a nice mattress so he’d have something nice to sleep on so that he wouldn’t fall sick again. Instead of wasting his money on unimportant things, oh God, why couldn’t he just get it?!!!

Okay…I think someone’s got some anger issues here. I really need to chill out. There’s something very wrong with me. Pasal tilam pun nak mengamuk…wth.



I just can’t find the way to let go…

I’m relaxing with Inka…and not planning to go anywhere. Maybe later in the evening will meet Amad for early dinner. Inka is getting big (awww…they grow up so fast! lol I sound like a mother)…and the anbiotic is nearly finished so everything’s good. I asked Amad if I should adopt another cat so Inka would have a friend to play with when I’m not around (I know…if my dad read this, he would be like…oh God not again…) but I don’t know if I wouldn’t be allergic to the other cat or not since with Inka I don’t sneeze or anything…so I’ll think about it. Amad has been extremely sweet you know…he brought us to the vet…he would always ask if Inka has food to eat at home and would buy the stuff Inka needs. Well actually he also makes sure that I’m well fed LOL…i think he feels sad when I tell him that I only eat maggi to survive so he would take me out to dinner n all so he can see me eating proper food LOL. He needs to know that I need to go on diet cuz I have two important weddings to go to this August and I need to lose weight! That’s why I need to eat less.

The other day I nearly fell off the chair after hearing what he said about my body because I was complaining about my body etc. I was laughing so hard…God I felt like I was going to die from laughing. We were like watching The Pussycat Dolls music video and he said I look like them HahahHAAHAHAHHA!!! Now…one thing i love about Amad is…he would go all the way just to make me feel good about myself…but seriously…no need to go overboard LOL!!!! Melampau la kalau puji sampai macam tu haha! Too much! :-p But it was cute…the way he said it…I know he meant well but seriously LOL…let’s stick to reality :-p

Sometimes I would tease him about his ex-girlfriend…just to tick him off but of course I know when to stop. I wonder what happened to the ex-girlfriend. I know you guys must be thinking that I’m mean…but seriously…you’ll only know how awful it was if you were around when she tried her very best (trust me…she even had her own little evil plans) to win…in EVERYTHING.

First she tried to control Amad. Then she tried to twist his mind. Then she tried to convince me that Amad was a very very very awful man so she could keep him for herself. And the worse thing was…she thought of awful plans to keep him…as such threatening him and so on. God I wish I had recorded the phone conversation i had with her that night. I still can’t get over what she said about him…”Aiza…kita sebagai perempuan kan mesti nak lelaki yang baik dan beriman…well tiada apa yang baik pasal Amad”. Masa tu you guys have no idea how menyirap my darah (my blood went upstairs okay) when she said that. Who was she trying to fool? Macam kau tu beriman sangat la perempuan kalau hati and perangai busuk macam tu. It was her who kept calling him…begging him to take her back…but at the same time she was telling me that it was Amad who kept wanting her back. Psycho. I guess one of the reaons why I still can’t let go of this is because I still have a lot to say to her. I really do. But she went quiet after that first long conversation she had with me that night. I didn’t want to hurt her…but she really asked for it.

I know…so much anger right? I just like to talk about it sometimes…it’s nothing really. Sometimes it’s fun to look back (look back in anger la kononnya). I’m actually happy…well…more like ‘content’. I have a cat I’m not allergic to. I have a man who loves me and makes me happy. And I have a goal…which is to look super hot on my brother’s wedding day :-p Can’t look hot on my bestfriend’s wedding day…don’t want to steal her limelight LOL :-p

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